There have been moments in the last 10 years when I had to stop what I was doing and admit that I no longer understood the world I was living in. It may be that we never really know what is going on in our world, that there are forces beyond our control shaping our atmosphere so completely that what’s left can barely be called free will.
Other moments feel divinely inspired. There are stories in my life I still feel uncomfortable sharing, in part because they don’t fully belong to me, where the outcome seemed preordained and I was present only to discover the path chosen for me. Other events appear to be drifting towards pleasant conclusions, yet I know deep inside that something will go wrong eventually, it is only a matter of the disappointment becoming clear.
Perhaps someday I will be pleasantly surprised by a stroke of good luck and it too will seem preordained. Then all of the frustrating outcomes, the type that infect my dreams as much as my days, will seem to have existed purely to make it possible.