We judge others’ deaths harshly at times. I remember quite well when Kurt Cobain died of suicide. The Gen X reaction was mostly sorrowful, but there were pockets of anger against him for taking his own life. This struck me as cruel at the time and my opinion has only hardened over the years.
Tolstoy wrote: “Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy?” Of course, death did not destroy all that Tolstoy created, and he eventually found his own purpose. But neither did death destroy the meaning of Cobain’s existence. It is fair to judge them rationally wrong while also showing compassion for the torment that overrode reason.
So too do we judge harshly the way people choose to live. There are acceptable modes of life and most assume that they all should point towards happiness. But it seems to me perfectly reasonable to choose to live with minimal joy. This does not mean to deny the good moments as they appear, but rather to seek out value in life beyond the easiest and most prone to immediate reward.
If people choose to be serious or gloomy, why should that bother me? They have ample cause for that. Tolstoy’s gloom begat his joyous creations. You can live with utter hopelessness and still believe your course is correct and take actions that are life affirming. One can have a dark countenance without any thoughts of throwing that life away. In fact, in some respects, those who feel a certain duty to life have the purpose necessary to keep going longer than most.