That difficulty increases desire is itself a difficult truth. By embracing this thought, do we admit that a subject’s bitterness also makes it appealing? Or maybe it’s not just the flavor of our experiences, but also our understanding. Difficulty can also mean mystery.
If our aim in life was pure and simple joy, we would never gravitate towards anything difficult or perplexing. We would accept everything in its easiest and freest form, within our grasp. We would never yearn or strive. We have an ability to seek out and accomplish only because we are drawn, not at all times, but often, towards the bitter and the shadowy parts of life.
If moments of joy result from the bitterness and shadows, it would be understandable. But I often find myself willingly putting myself in position to be hurt, repeatedly, and the hurt never fails to find me. I anticipate the pain, even guard myself against it, but even still. It finds me. Why do I allow my heart to be broken repeatedly? In a sense, inviting it? It is enough to feel unworthy of love. What is this drive to feel tormented by it?
Which leads us to those dark, difficult journeys. People have always been drawn to stories where heroes must sink to the greatest depths and where we must look carefully and sometimes distrust our eyes. Through challenges, we experience relief and comfort. So too with our desires. The ones that are most lasting and meaningful throw us into dream states and make our lives puzzlements that bring feeling to the mundane and keep us forever guessing.